A perfect end to Summer

I hope everyone had an amazing Labor Day weekend. It was busy yet fun-filled for us. We gathered at Nanny & Grandpa’s house on Saturday for the last swimming day for Summer 2012! It was a perfectly hot day & the best of the 3 days. Sunday I needed to get some food shopping done seeing that I didn’t have one thing in our house to make for breakfast. Monday we partied it up with more family.

I am reflecting back on this weekend for many reasons. While at the beach for our vacation I had a slight breakdown (ok…maybe more than slight). I am an internalist and tend to hold things in. I do this for so many different reasons…some completely unknown to me. While I always knew that I have never been a vocal person when things are bothering me, I never knew just how much I bottled up & stored deep down inside of me. Well you know sometimes when there is too much for us to handle we need to verbalize it. I had unfortunately been pushed to my limit unknowingly. I was in denial but then it all just came out. One thing I did not realize is I had disconnected from everyone even those that mean so much to me. I say that I am reflecting back on this weekend because there were words that my soul needed to hear. I needed to hear that it’s ok to lose your shit when you’ve gone through stressful things in your life. I sat with family that fed my heart full of love & support. It was good to talk about the devastation & realize that this truly has put me to the ultimate test. I am strong but even the strongest break sometimes, but I was mended this weekend and I woke up this morning realizing that when I was put back together with the love & support I always knew was there, I was even stronger. In conversation with one our Aunts I was told that sometimes when devastating things occur in our life that we feel are a setback is in actual a way that we allow it to pull out things in us we didn’t know was there. She’s very artistic..I have always admired her work (SHOUT OUT TO YOU Aunt Katie)! I am by no means artistic in the sense of being able to draw freehand. I can paint and redo furniture but I never realized that I was good at it. I never realized that it was a piece of me that brought out an inner peace!

Someone asked me if I ever question why. Why did this happen, why me, why us, just why? And, just minutes before I had been talking with someone that I said I just can’t seem to get the “why’s” out of my mind. He said you know Lynn sometimes we just never know the answer to why & that is ok…if you keep your mind clogged with the why’s you may never allow it to see the beautiful outcome that is in front of you. I’ve always believed in fate, and when one door shuts another bigger & better one opens for the endless opportunities. I have chosen to allow myself to grieve now, the anger has flowed on out & I am opening my eyes to see the bigger & better. I guess I never realized that grieving was necessary in this situation.

Grief I guess comes in waves. One minute I feel as though I am holding on for dear life for one small piece. The next minute I feel as though I am being pounded by hard hitting waves, and the next I feel as though I am just floating…floating through the day. I know that grief comes in different ways for different people. The hits from the hard hitting waves don’t stop coming yet I am learning how maneuver myself to handle hit with much more ease & grace…knowing that I have my husband & my girls and our family & friends to help should I get swept by that hard hitting wave again. We will get through, we are getting through this!

Saturday Kacey went over to move and cut up the wood from the trees that had been taken down on Friday. I stopped by this morning and I was blown away at how open it looked & just how beautiful the view is going to be. I was a tad reluctant on getting rid of some trees, but when the tree guy was there a couple of the trees were rotten. They had to go L The guys were there working on the footing & the building inspector would coming at 10 to do the inspection for that part. Weather permitting we will be moving right along. It truly is amazing at what goes into a home as it is being built.

Katie had her first day of PreK today and Shea moved up to Toddler 2…mommy was a little sad. Katie was a little nervous to be with a new teacher, but as soon as we walked in she saw her friend Avery and she was totally fine. It was the first morning in over a year that she asked to take one of her stuffed animals to sleep with during nap. I am excited to go pick her up so I can tell her that her & Shea are all signed up for ballet. Her first class will be on Friday. Shea’s is next Wednesday. I can’t wait!!! Katie has been asking for a very long time to go to ballet just like her cousin Gabby. Katie shows me all the time the things that Gabby teaches her. I took her to the year-end recital that her cousins were in and she didn’t move the entire time.